A Mushroom Odyssey
by Eikuir
Summary: When an unruly mushroom refuses to harass newbie adventurers, NEXON gets annoyed and sends a grumpy GM down to Maple Island to fix him good. Throw in a reluctant heroine, a warrior obsessed with grinding, some hanky panky, and there's a mushroom odyssey!
1. Prologue

_**A Mushroom Odyssey**_

Insert Generic Disclaimer

_Maple Story is owned by __**NEXON**__, not moi, and the opening poem is an excerpt from __**Annabel Lee**__, a famous poem written by __**Edgar Allen Poe**__ that's in the public domain. So, if you've never read it before, go do so. :3_

_Prologue_

"It was many and many a year ago,  
In a kingdom by the sea,  
That a maiden there lived whom you may know  
By the name of Annabel Lee;  
And this maiden she lived with no other thought  
Than to love and be loved by me."

"ptooie!"

Bob the mushroom spit out the pencil from his mouth and admired his creation. A little tremor could be felt tickling the ground as it seemed that some poor unfortunate soul was turning over in his grave. Ah well, so it goes. You see, dear Bob was one of those shrooms that just _had_ to be different. Unlike the rest of the orange mushrooms that frolicked on Maple Island, tormenting unfortunate beginners who dared venture into the uncharted wilderness, Bob considered himself to be above all that. As a self proclaimed _artiste_, Bob found more pleasure in writing extravagant and absolutely meaningless tales (as well as plagiarizing from writers who actually have some talent) than head-butting newbie adventurers into submission.

Of course, the deity of this realm, who resides in the great Cash Shop high above the skies, would have none of this.

"I created those gosh darn hopping fungi to be bloodthirsty noob killers," grumbled the Almighty NEXON. "And as transformation scrolls so I could milk the not-so-noob players for their moolah," it admitted as an afterthought.

At first, NEXON considered smiting the troublesome critter by reaching down and crushing the shroom with its thumb of heavenly proportions. But, upon much pondering, hand-wringing, and some hanky-panky, NEXON decided that it would be far too much of a pain for a being as great as itself to deign to deal with such a trivial matter. Instead, it pointed to one of the many GMs who fluttered around the Cash Shop, waving shiny black briefcases and constantly singing the praises of said NEXON.

Unfortunately for him, GM MINIMUMWAGE was singled out from among the crowd. Grumpy, overly dramatic, and in possession of a sour disposition, GM MINI was a misanthrope who despised life, the universe, and everything. Ever since he was born, he never quite got along with all the other GMs that served NEXON. Whether it was because of that one time when he wasn't invited to go see the hacker lynchings with the other GMs, or when he was teased about the size of his small, but still usable (or so he claims) banhammer, GM MINI has quite a chip on his shoulder and he was eager to tell anyone who would listen about how bleak and dismal his life was.

Grudgingly, he rose up from his floating cloud, stretched his long neglected wings, and reluctantly fluttered over to NEXON's throne, which was comprised of many dollar bills held together by some unknown sticky substance that GM MINI desperately hoped was superglue. After prostrating himself repeatedly while struggling to put on a forced smile, GM MINI awaited the orders of the fickle deity. Into his outstretched hands fell a tiny post-it note, slightly yellow, with hints of lipstick and dried drool scattered about. GM MINI could not help but let a slight grimace appear upon his face. Holding it with only his thumb and forefinger, and as far away from his face as possible, he squinted at the barely legible note.

_**mushie extremination plan gogogo**_

_k, theres like this mushie down there ya know, and its really bugging me ya know cause its not fulfilling its noobie killing quota of the day and thats like bad, cause we gotta crush their will and like make ppl spend lots of monies on safety charms and such, ya hear me? So like be a good gm and go like make it go kill people or go punch its lights out, k? much luvles and kisses NEXIE-poo_

It was obvious to GM MINI that NEXON was in the middle of an activity that was a bit..._personal_ when it finally remembered that there was that mushroom problem to deal with. For a moment, he wondered which one of his comrades was the lucky recipient of NEXON's affections for the night. "It's most likely that damn GM xxxSCARLETxxx," he muttered to himself. "She's always prancing around, flaunting her assets to just about everyone and everything. Except me. Man, what a bitch. I swear that pet yeti's been closer to her than I'll ever be."

A hacking cough that rumbled out from NEXON's throat quickly interrupted GM MINI's internal monologue. Startled and annoyed, he decided to express exactly how he felt about these proposed plans.

"Uh, oh grand and most excellent poobah, I'm afraid I don't quite understand the meaning of all this. I was perfectly content to be sitting over there on my cloud, minding my own business and polishing the puny second-hand banhammer that you so generously endowed me with," started GM MINI with bitter sarcasm. "Don't you think that it would be wiser if, oh let's say, we leave this mushroom alone and let it die of old age or gingivitis or something? I mean, old Mushmom and Mushdad are constantly pumping out more baby killers every second, so what's wrong if just one or two wimpy mushrooms spawn every now or then?"

"Nonsense! Leaving a horrific anomaly like this wandering about would set up a horrible example to the other mushrooms. I mean, they might actually ponder the concept of free will, become pacifists, and end up smoking vast quantities of herbal substances!" exclaimed an astonished NEXON while brushing GM MINI away in a hurried fashion.

"But, honestly, why me? You know I hate going downto that miserable, little hellhole," moaned the unlucky GM. "It's full of deadbeat bums who swarm all over you like vultures to a carcass, ripping through your clothes for mesos like a famished yeti ravishes the body of some fallen pepe for food!"

At first it seemed that NEXON was almost convinced by GM MINI's most eloquent speech. But then, NEXON remembered how it had refused him when he last begged for a raise. (as well as a name change) Taking confidence from that prior experience, NEXON naturally took the proper course of action. With a graceful twirl, NEXON snapped its fingers, clicked its heels, wiggled its butt, and all in one single, elegant motion, sent GM MINI plummeting downward to Maple Island.

Some inhabitants of Mushroom Town on the west coast of Maple Island would later claim to hear very explicit examples of profanity littering the air that warm summer evening. Thinking nothing of it, they ushered their children inside, covered their virgin ears with delicate earmuffs, and proceeded with life as usual. Little did they know that with the presence of a very agitated and irritated GM, and his equally agitated and irritated buttocks, life would soon be anything but ordinary.


	2. CH 1: Shaky Beginnings

_**A Mushroom Odyssey**_

Insert Generic Author's Note

If the purpose of the prologue was to hook the reader, then the purpose of the first chapter must be to make sure that they don't get so bored out of their minds that they wiggle around desperately on that hook, hoping that they would hurry up and die. Here's hoping that I managed to achieve that.

Once again, I do not own Maple Story or mushrooms, though I do love owning mushrooms with swords while playing Maple Story. :3

_Chapter One: Shaky Beginnings_

If there was ever a time when time was of the essence, it certainly would be now. Dashing through the grassy fields, Annabel thought nothing about the numerous flowers that her soles were snuffing the life out of, as she trampled over them in an frantic attempt to safeguard her own existence. What sort of monster could be ferocious enough to elicit such a response from an otherwise composed girl? A simple gastropod, of crimson colouration, that's what. With her brain fixated upon the red snail that was storming towards her at what must have been a supersonic five miles an hour, Annabel desperately sought some sort of salvation.

Then, she spied with her little eyes, the means of her escape. A ledge, seemingly floating in midair, suspended only by the magic that naturally pervades this land, called out to Annabel. Closing her eyes, she took in what she thought would be her last breath, and jumped for dear life. With a simple plop, she landed safely, albeit shakily, and dared to open her tightly shut eyes to peek at the advancing snail. It had just reached the edge of the field and was stretching its slimy neck to peer at its escaped prey. No matter how hard it tried, the red snail could only snarl and gnash its teeth at Annabel, who, upon realizing the profound fact that snails could not jump (not even man-eating ones), finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"Never again. Never, never, NEVER again!" cried Annabel as she started panting. "To hell with this stupid tradition! I told them no, I told them I wasn't cut out for this, but noooo, they wouldn't listen. Honestly!"

You see, Annabel came from a long line of adventurers and explorers famed throughout Maple Island. These were the sorts of people who stormed the Mushroom Gardens and Dangerous Forests in search of "phat loot" and glory. Armed with anything from wooden clubs to fruit knives, these courageous (although a bit reckless) adventurers were some of the only means of defense that the villagers had against the hordes of monsters that seemed to endlessly spawn. Unfortunately for them, it seemed that the latest addition to the family wouldn't be living up to their expectations.

As Annabel lay resting upon the ledge, she knew that she would really be in for it when she came back home, that is, if she could even make it back alive. The red snail that had been pursuing her was still at the edge of the field, pacing back and forth as it waited for the girl come back down. The only other available path lay in the series of floating ledges that led higher and higher into the sky.

Flinging aside the training sword with which she was supposed to slay ten red snails and relieve them of their shells, Annabel sighed in exasperation. "Ugh...how am I supposed to get myself out of this mess now? I heard that those ledges would lead to the town of Amherst, but there's no way that I'd make it all the way there like this. Besides, even if I do survive the journey, I'd hate to think of what kinds of services I'd have to perform to get someone to escort me back home." After allowing her face to form into a brief scowl as she remembered the stories about all the perverts that lived in Amherst, Annabel decided that there was no point in any more worrying and let her gaze wander to the myriad of clouds that slowly swept across the sky.

On a ledge not far from where the drained Annabel now lay sleeping, GM MINI stormed about in a rage. Scattered around him lay the fallen bodies of two novice adventurers, who upon noticing the presence of a GM, had flung themselves at him and started begging and pleading for "moar mesos plox", as they say these days. Although he had dispatched them effortlessly with a quick swing of his banhammer, which he was glad to see actually was usable (it was his first time after all), GM MINI was still enraged.

"God damn that NEXON!" bellowed the furious GM, temporarily forgetting the fact that NEXON was God. "That blundering buffoon had to kick me down here without any warning at all. Didn't even get a chance to pick up my invisibility cloak from the cleaners, so I can't hide from these swarming nooblets." Grumbling, the GM tried to flap his wings so he could fly back up to the Cash Shop, gather his possessions, and give NEXON a good piece of his mind. However, his wings, which had been damaged during his abrupt landing, now hung limp and useless. After only receiving sharp jolts of pain instead of soaring flight, GM MINI grimaced and stomped at the ground in a childish tantrum. Now confined to the ground and deprived of his invisibility, the GM was forced to search for the troublesome mushroom on foot, and hope that he could sneak by any other beggars that he would be unfortunate enough to encounter.

However, to his dismay, it seemed that GM MINI's little temper tantrum had awakened the resting Annabel. As she murmured and slowly lifted herself up while rubbing her dainty little eyes, the GM could only let out an quick "Oh shi-" as he scrambled to find some sort of cover. However, it was already too late as Annabel had already caught a glimpse of the startled winged being as he tried to hide in some nearby bushes. It is difficult to accurately describe the thought process that must have been going on in the mind of the groggy Annabel at that moment. However, "Weird looking guy + Wings + Banhammer equals GM equals MY SAVIOR" is probably the best representation of the current workings of her delirious brain.

Leaping up at once, Annabel sprang to her feet and started hopping the ledges upwards towards her supposed savior. At the same time, said savior stumbled out of the thorny bushes and tried to leap away as best as he could, hindered by the fact that his feet were much abused and still hurting from the prickly thorns.

"Wait! Hold on, please! Don't go! Don't leave me!" Annabel shouted as much as her lungs would let her as she bounded over ledge after ledge. GM MINI ignored her pleas and hopped even faster while cursing under his breath. Then, something clicked inside his dazed little head.

"Wait a second, I'm a GM, damn it! Why the hell am I running away from some little nubcake? And a girl, of all things!" screamed the brain of the baffled GM. Turning around to face the approaching Annabel, GM MINI stood up straight, puffed out his chest, and brought out his banhammer to bear, ready to give her a good old-fashioned beating with it. Unfortunately for him, those plans were so very rudely interrupted when Annabel didn't expect the GM's sudden stop and ended up plowing right into him. Apparently the signal from her brain to stop running failed to reach her nimble legs in time. Ah wells, so it goes.

After much fumbling and tumbling, the two managed to separate their entangled bodies from each other. As soon as she saw the red flush rapidly rising on the face of the GM and realized that it was most likely anger rather than embarrassment, Annabel knew that it was time to start begging for mercy.

"Erm, Mr. GM, I'm really really really sorry that I ended up smashing into you and I know that it was all my fault and I dunno what I was thinking but but but...I was wondering if I could ask...for a favor?" stammered the anxious girl. Upon receiving no reply from the stern looking GM, Annabel took that as a sign to continue. (No news is good news after all) "So, I'm kinda stuck out here, since there was a...well...a snail that's blocking my way back home..." Upon realizing how silly and helpless she must have sounded, Annabel quickly added, "But! It wasn't just any snail! It was a RED one!" Nodding her head as if the fact that it was a red snail excused her obvious cowardice, she pointed to the now bewildered GM. "Right, right, you're a GM after all! You should definitely help me! It's your duty after all!"

Unfortunately for Annabel, GM MINI's next actions caused her to regret opening her mouth. After stooping down to retrieve his fallen banhammer, the GM brandished the weapon and started taking slow, deliberate steps towards the young girl. Although he had to admit that her little speech was so ridiculous that it caused him to laugh a little inside, GM MINI didn't think that it was..._prudent_...to let the girl get away without any consequences. Although he could easily see through Annabel's poor attempt at faking confidence, the GM decided that he could go for some entertainment right about now (as well as cover up his own embarrassment at running away from some novice), so he swung his banhammer in a wide, deliberate arc, stopping right before the tip of her nose. Although Annabel wasn't even grazed by the weapon, the sudden strike caused her to involuntarily jump back and end up falling not so gracefully on her rear end.

Pointing at the sight of the stunned girl, GM MINI threw back his head, and tried his best at reproducing the sort of cackling, dramatic laugh that all the other GMs always seemed to be able to toss out. "AH HA! What makes you think that someone as magnificent and distinguished as moi would stoop down to listen to the frivolous banter of some common beginner? I'll have you know that I'm on quite an important mission to extinguish a certain fearsome fiend that's been plaguing this world." After mentally patting himself on the back for his exceptionally eloquent speech, the GM saw it fit to forget to mention that the so called "fiend" was a lowly mushroom, and a nonviolent one at that.

"So! You'd best be staying out of my way now, you little runt!" called out the GM as he wiggled his hammer one last time and strode away, feeling confident and in control for one of the first times in his life. "Hah! Bashing a couple of beggars over the head a few times, showing that girl where she belongs, oh, man I'm awesome!" laughed the GM to himself as he skipped over the remaining ledges into the sunset.

As she watched the disappearing GM chortle and hop around, Annabel found herself speechless at the sheer ridiculousness of what had just occurred. "Surely that's not how most GMs act, right?" pondered the perplexed girl. A part of her truly was frightened by the GM's less-than-friendly actions, but another had to laugh at his absurd theatrics. Brushing off some blades of grass that stubbornly clung to her pants, Annabel rose up from the ground with which her rear was so very acquainted with by now. However, as she stood up, her eyes caught sight of a tiny yellow object that just barely jutted out from the grass. Bending down, she retrieved the item and stared at it with a quizzical look on her face. The yellow object was none other than the defiled post-it note that NEXON had written the mushroom's death sentence on. Now enlightened to the true identify of the "fearsome fiend", Annabel let loose a few words full of righteous indignation.

"I can't believe this! That...that...sorry excuse of a GM ditched me to go take care of some...pacifist mushroom? He's even more pathetic than I am! I mean, it's perfectly natural for beginners like me to have trouble with a few snails...but a GM! Hah! He must suck so much that a puny mushroom is all that he can handle!" Annabel allowed herself to enjoy a few moments of imagined superiority to make up for her humiliation at the hands of said GM. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't last for long, as a sudden call pierced the silent fields, and shattered any remaining confidence that the girl had.

"Annabel! There you are!" The burly voice that broke the silence, belonged to none other than Annabel's strict and rigid father. As he hopped onto the ledge where she stood, Annabel quickly cast a glance around her. Her training sword, which she had tossed away earlier before her nap, was nowhere in sight. She obviously had no red snail shells with her which she could use to prove that she passed this test. As her father seized her hand and forced her glance to meet his, the two of them both knew that Annabel would surely be in for a rough night.


End file.
